As I was scanning the news this past week, and seeing the *continued* doom and gloom in our 24-7 world, the glut of “experts” who clamor for your inbox and your attention, and the unfortunate reality of our scattered, modern age … well, I just thought you should have a better idea about who would be guiding your finances and your tax strategy through all the noise.
Yes, this is a small departure from the pocket-protecting strategies I normally post, but I felt that it was a necessary interregnum.
Oh, and my people helped me put some of these together, as did a certain California gentleman who spent some time in Texas, enforcing the law …
13 Reasons The Taxman Fears Enzo Paredes
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” – Walter Bagehot
1) Enzo Paredes does not sleep after tax season, but only waits.
2) When the IRS TaxMan goes to sleep each night, he checks his closet for signs of Enzo Paredes. Carefully.
3) Enzo Paredes can lead a horse to water AND make it drink — and analyze a prior-year tax return at the same time.
4) Enzo Paredes counted to infinity — twice. The IRS is still counting.
5) When Enzo Paredes falls into the water, Enzo Paredes doesn’t get wet. Water gets Enzo Paredes. And all documentation is still preserved.
6) Enzo Paredes CAN believe it’s not butter. Treasury agents think that it is probably butter.
7) Enzo Paredes doesn’t read the tax code …
but simply stares it down until the information submits.
8) Enzo Paredes can divide by zero. Legally.
9) If you look closely, you can see Enzo Paredes in every scene of Gladiator. Marcus Aurelius was grateful for the tax advice.
10) Enzo Paredes has never blinked over the course of life. Never. Unlike the IRS when they pick up the phone and Enzo Paredes is on the line.
11) Enzo Paredes once fixed an incorrect tax return by
simply looking at it. With eyes of fire.
12) Enzo Paredes has never been “away” on vacation. Resort locations come to Enzo Paredes. Even during tax season.
13) Enzo Paredes never hides, but only seeks. And always on your behalf.
Don’t you feel better with Enzo Paredes on your side?
Like I said…a bit self-aggrandizing, but fun :). I hope you enjoyed it. Only certain parts of it are actually true. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which parts.
And all kidding aside — I want you to know how deeply we appreciate the opportunity to serve you and your family THROUGHOUT the year. Yes, the “tax season” is behind us, but we are here for you even still … and grateful for the chance to put our very specific set of skills to work on your behalf.
To your family’s financial and emotional peace…
Enzo Paredes
(818)435-2321
New Era Tax & Accounting
